• squirrel for mayor for TV

    In memory of the White Squirrel

    I am heartbroken about the tragic and unexpected death of my friend, colleague, and policy advisor White Squirrel. As an icon of Trinity-Bellwoods Park and a legend across the…

  • tolls-f0217_s0249_fl0150_it0004

    Use the Gardiner? Help pay for fixing it up

    As a squirrel, I don’t have to do anything to get travel infrastructure. Trees grow without any work from me, and humans kindly build and maintain backyard fences and aerial…

  • for sale f1244_it1750

    Sell land, build homes

    The squirrel real estate market is nuts. It’s hard to find a good nesting place to raise the next generation of super-cute baby squirrels and stay warm in the winter. So a…

  • public-washroom

    Let your people pee

    As a squirrel, I can relieve myself whenever and wherever I want to. The world is my toilet. But you humans will only go on one of your fancy porcelain toilets, and you hold it in…

    recycle-cans

    No more crap

    A few years ago, I was gambolling around one of my favourite parks when I noticed it had been invaded by monstrous new garbage bins. They…